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I always have a hard time deciding when to go to the doctor, you know? After a childhood spent being dragged to the doctor on every day that I missed school and going through endless antibiotic regimens to rid me of every common cold, I tend to resist going as an adult. What if I'm not really sick at all? What if there's nothing wrong with me, and they laugh at me for being a hypochondriac? And, if I decide to go to Urgent Care, am I saying that my need for care is more urgent than that of the child entering in a wheelchair?
But after three or four days wherein both of my forearms covered themselves astonishingly quickly in a blanket of angry, warm, itchy, red, puss-filled bumps that seemed to be edging their ways above my elbows, I finally went to the doctor last night. And I had Pete come with me, because he's entertaining when you have to wait around.
"I have hives, I think," I told the nurse when she came in to the examination room. "Or something. I mean, it's not eczema, which is what I usually get."
The nurse took a long, hard look at my forearms, and continued staring at them for a full minute. "That... doesn't look like hives," she said. "Have you come into contact with any weeds or poison ivy?" After convincing her that my most recent time in the outdoors has consisted of being 1) on my bike, or 2) on weed-free sidewalks, she paused as she went to take my blood pressure. "You know, I'm not sure if that's contagious or not," she said, and wrapped my arm in a paper towel before putting the cuff on my upper arm. And that, dear readers? Made me feel like a rock star. For once in my life, I have an exotic, noteworthy, and just plain interesting ailment, worthy of medical attention.
After my consultation with a lovely doctor (who was equally perplexed and intrigued, while also finding the time to recommend that we start watching A Bit of Fry and Laurie on YouTube), I was put on hardcore allergy meds plus a strong dose of oral steroids. And I know that steroids are a common treatment for all kinds of unpleasant and unfortunate maladies, but ever since I got the lecture from the pharmacist, it's been pure comedy in the Jejune household. "So, these are probably going to make you really hungry," she said. "A lot of people just want to eat everything in sight, and they'll also make you gain weight. So you've got to be careful about what you're putting inside your mouth." "Good to know," I said, wondering how this is going to change Friday's trip to the Melting Pot with a bachelorette party. "And they might also pump you up. A lot of people start taking these and start cleaning out their closets and things." (This is why this lady is my favorite pharmacist.)
So, like I said, nonstop hilarity. I have not yet succumbed to the overwhelming impulse to rampage through the house cleaning everything in sight, but I have been describing myself as "pumped up" and "juiced" at every opportunity, and Pete's been randomly inserting "Katie SMASH!" into conversations. I'm definitely going to the gym tonight after work, and I'm also going to squeeze in as much weight lifting as I can during the next week, just on the off chance that I get huge. I grabbed a scarf on the way to the bus this morning, "you know, to hide my neck flab."
Who knew that rashiness could be so much fun?
12:27 PM
But they didn't know what was wrong with you and they were just guessing? Scary. Pete, you're next!
bizarre that they couldn't figure out what it was. sounds kinda like shingles? are they itchy? i had them and couldn't stop scratching for days, even though it really hurt to scratch.
Unfortunately I know what shingles are like and fortunately Katie didn't have them. It really did look like she had brushed against poison ivy, though we hadn't been anywhere near a place to do that.
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