29 October 2008
Taste the Rage (Of Walnut-Brain)
So here’s the thing about cats: sometimes, they’re kind of dumb. But sometimes they use their dumb in rather smart ways.
Our cats have, though a painstaking process of trial-and-error combined with pure dumb luck, patented a number of methods designed to ensure that we wake up early and, thus, feed them soooooon, because they are always starrrrrrving. These include jumping on our stomachs, pulling my hair, tearing and/or performating the pages and covers of books on the bedside table (until we bought a set of Trollstas, which come with a set of cat-proof book-stashing shelves included), and chewing on nearby electrical cords. Sometime fairly recently, Garth added another annoyance into his repertoire: licking the nearby window curtain.
Yeah, I don’t know where he got this idea from. The hardest thing is to keep from laughing as I respond, in a flat, affect-less voice, “Oh, no, Garth. Not… the curtain. Don’t… lick the curtain. Anything but that.”
That’s right. Taste the rage of walnut-brain.
We had a cat named Muffin who would lick fabric. I think she liked the taste of soap. She would often lick my hand after I had washed it–she really like the taste of Ivory soap.
This morning Olivia invented what I’ll call “the concussion method”. It involves standing next to my pillow, stretching up along the wall, and swinging the large picture frame above my head back and forth on its nail. I can’t tell if the goal is to wake me from 1) the cool scratchy sounds 2) fear of serious injury by large falling object, or 3) actual serious injury by large falling object, but she succeeded with #2 and earned herself a firm shove off the bed.
and the smell of Peter’s feet. Poles apart.
Way too early in the morning Muffin would ‘thwang’ the springy door stopper on the baseboard SEVERAL times then stand at the bedroom door facing the direction of the kitchen. If response time was too slow you got ‘Thwanged’ again, usually just about the time you dozed off.
It is my contention that cats house the spirits of restless departed beings sent here to punish us for unknown transgressions. I am coming back as a snake. Cats hate snakes.