Particularly attentive readers may recall that Garth has a tendency to hack into my Gmail account and reply to Pete’s missives when he’s on the road.  They’re at it again; this time, however, Pete forgot the after-hours entrance code to his hostel, and employed his formidable ninja skills to enable late-night entry.

DEER KITTYDADY

WEE ARE HPAP HAPI GLAD TO HEER YOU HAVE ARRYV ARIV CAME IN OK . WE AR ALSO NOT SRPRIZED THAT YOR NINJA SKILZ HAV MANI MANYFE SHOWN THEM SELFS. TEH KITTEZ MUST HAV GOT THEM FROM SOMEWHARES.

NOW WE WISH TO SPEEK TO YOU OF IMPORTENT MATERS. TEH KIBBELS WER NOT FORTHCOMING THIS MORNING WITH A QUIKNESS. WEE XPECT DOO XPEDYENCY WITH TEH KIBBELS. SEBAZ SEBASCH THE ORANJ ONE DID PROVYDE DELISHUS REGURGY REGURGATAY PRE-ATE  MUSH NEER THE BOWL, BUT WEE NVERTHELES XPECT GRATER SPEED AND KWALITY OF SERVUS.

SINCEERLY,
GARTH PANTS
WHO IS NOT HUNGREE NOW BUT WILL LIKLY BEE SOON.

On a related note, I realized the other day that one of my most direct literary influences, if you can describe what I write when I’m not writing about literature as possessing style, is Graham Oakley, author of the fantastic and tragically hard-to-find Church Mice books.  His mice have a similarly wobbly grasp on tone and spelling.  Do check your local library to see if you can find them; I’ll be tempted to order them from the UK once more of them come back into print.

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