28 January 2010
In Which Someone Needs to Lay Off the Caps Lock
Once again, Garth has commandeered my email account in order to communicate his wishes. That’s what I get for not being the one who walks home past the cat food store daily.
To: Peter Jejune <[redacted]@gmail.com>
Subject: KIBBELS
Message: DEER KITTYDADY
WE WUD LIKE TO BRING TO YOR ESTEEMD ATTENSHUN THE SEVEE SEVEER VERY LOW LEVULS OF FOOD MUSH THAT REMAYNE AT HOM. WEE FEER VERY MUCH THEE IMPENDING ARRIVAL OF STARVAYSHUN RASHONS, AND WEE DO NOT WISH TO FURTHER REDEWSE AR ALL REDDY SUHV SVUH SVELL STREEMLIND MUSCULACHUR. SHUD CONDISHUNS CONT
BURD BUUURD BURRRRRDDD FADSJIRQWEOI UN, JKSADFEUIOPQ BURRRD BUUURD BURD JLANXVZNJK QWERUOP890YIO PNJ BUUUURD]I
WEE HAV EXPRESSD OUR HUNGER TO THEE LOCAL WILD LIFE IN MOST FIRM AND VIGORUS TERMS. SHUD THEY NOT COPERAY COWOPERA AGREE WITH OUR STRATAGEMS, WEE MYTE SUGGEST YOU PROVYDE A VARIETY OF CHIPS. WEE ARE TOLD THAT BURDS CAN BE CAWT WITH DORITOS, TOSTITOS, FRITOS, OR CHEETOS.
YOURS
MOST SINCEERLEY
GARTH PANTS
WHO ALSO APPRESHEYATES DORITOS
P.S. AND FRITOS
P.S.S. AND IS TOLD THE FLUFFY WUN LIKES CHEETOS